Jammy Taylor

never trust a tart – Article magazine

never trust a tart

Written –16/6/13 – somewhere over Mongolia on my way home


Hello, me again. It’s currently just rolled past 4am local time, I’m the only one left on the plane awake, everyone else is tucked up for the night but not me, I have my little light on beavering away with the cabin crew on constant standby bringing me red wine to keep me going.


I had to nip down to Australia for 4 days, as you do, to take care of some business and frequent my favourite rib restaurant in the world. Was worth it, bloody good ribs.


I actually quite like flying. I find it therapeutic, I mean all be it, I try and do it nicely and knick all my Dads air miles to achieve this, thanks Dad.


But it gives me a chance to think, to take some time out and to reflect on the craziness; which sometimes is my life and watch the latest Disney film without getting ridiculed, (no one can see what I’m watching)


To be fair, between Die Hard 5, Taken 2 and Parker, there wasn’t much on.


The rest of the time I spend staring at the sky map. I do love a map.


I didn’t actually know what I was going to write, really I should be sleeping as got a long day tomorrow in Germany filming but I knew if I didn’t knuckle down and write something I would face the wrath of the editor Kenny the Ho so I had to pull my finger out.


Sometimes even I take things for granted, we all do. Things become too familiar, too easy and it’s not until you lose it or mess it up you realize what you have done.


For example, I did something you should never do. I assumed; I trusted the Lemon Tart on the flight down last week didn’t have nuts in. (I’m allergic!)


I’m normally so careful, it’s a fine balancing act between telling them before I fly and them making me feel like I’ve just escaped out of a freak show and when everyone else is tucking into their interesting looking meals with sauce and bread, all I get is a blank plate with a piece of plane chicken breast, a bit of broccoli and 3 baby carrots.  It just doesn’t really cut it. Or just running with it not mentioning it and playing spot the nut.


I remember telling them once before I boarded, I was nipping out to New York to run the marathon two months after my 18th birthday, I remember getting to check all, all bushy-eyed and excited and asking for an exit row, which I got and as soon as I said I had a Nut Allergy…

They took it back off me and wouldn’t let me sit in it as I was apparently disabled. As you can imagine! I’ve never told them again since! It’s been 9 years and I’ve never had a problem.


So last week, after enjoying my nice steak with my Bok-Choy and Hoi Sin sauce, two hours into the flight outside Hong Kong, after just already popping in 7 hours from New York to London and 12 hours to Hong Kong after a quick consultation with Jenny the hot blonde stewardess we concluded the Lemon Tart would be safe to eat, there were no signs of nuts anywhere. Indeed the first two mouthfuls were very very tasty….


Oh but it did! Left me with a full on NUT- MARE at 35,000ft and even with my Epi-pen, they had to think about diverting the plane until luckily they found two doctors on board at the last second who came up and gave me some more shots to fix me; my face had swelled up to the size of “The Nutty Professor,” it wasn’t a good look let me tell you!


For a second there I didn’t think I would get my ribs after all, it was all quite scary. No ribs!!


But it’s made me think about things… appreciate things again.


My life moves so fast, I’m never in a place for very long, I spend long periods of time on my own in hotel rooms in distant parts of the world. I’m always thinking about the Next Thing, rather than what I’m doing right now at that very second, enjoying where I am. My brain is always racing ahead.


I’m addicted to social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instragram (add me ;) I sometime miss the actual thing I’m doing, as I’m too busy trying to take photos of it for the rest of the world to see.


I’m always looking for something SHINIER, BRIGHTER, FLUFFIER, SQUEAKIER!!!!


When instead maybe I should just be happy with what I have, who I’m with and where I am at that very second.


I had no choice on the flight tonight, I even forced myself to eat the 3 baby carrot and the broccoli, they already got wind of my allergy from the previous crew…

Anyway I’m rambling now but maybe…


Maybe there is a lesson in there somewhere for all of us…

Never trust a Lemon Tart!!!


Right I’m going back to bed


Na night




screen grab of tart