Written – New York City – by Jammy Taylor
Everywhere you go I keep hearing these Chinese whispers about; The end of the world is coming!! Ahhh!
Apparently and I’ve asked around, my mate Dave said, it’s something like Cadburys have run out of that special chocolate that they use and this is the last cycle of advent calendars ever; I mean to be fair, people have been saying this for a while now, so really they should of avoided this problem, but hey ho and now it could mean that that whilst opening those little doors and peering inside to see if it’s the reindeer shaped one or the ball ball, all of sudden it could be it; the end of the world as we know it…
I know other male models out there, taking this threat so seriously; they have turned themselves vegetarian, said goodbye to the circus, packed their bags and are off to Mandalay.
I mean maybe I too should think about moving somewhere higher up, at least to the top of that hill in Benfleet where all the rich folk from Essex live or Scotland or somewhere and commence work on building an ark?!
But No, I’ve decided to move to an island in America, with no flood defences and wait it out. I mean even Canvey Island where I’m from has at least has a sea wall around it!
A little bit about me, my name is James (Jammy) Taylor. Don’t ask! Apparently there is a few other people with my namesake and it just stuck.
I’m from a pretty humble begging’s, Dad was a Bus driver turned Comedian Mum had a job as Mum. Two big sisters who used to dress me up as their little dolly and force me against my will to play with Dolls; you know the story.
Growing up got through school just about, ended up in the modelling game until recently, I decided to follow my heart, Grab the unicorn by the horn, move to New York and start my quest for what I’ve always longed to be, an Actor.
I guess it’s always been in my blood, the entertaining, I’m the one who doesn’t need anything, to be the life and sole of a party, I’m straight in there, in the hot tub with the mask, kicking things off, I’m happiest when I’m making people laugh either with or because of me.
I’m a new age metro kinda guy, I moisturize my face in the mornings, I would never dream of wearing the same pair of underpants two days in a row, I like disco music and particularly Abba; I just like what they sing about, it has a story and I like a story.
I don’t really wash my hair other than when they cut it, don’t own a comb, like to drive fast, love women; even the ginger ones; every so often. I love the latest gadgets, like nice hotels and to turn left on airplanes when ever the airmiles or charm allow.
Although I’m not that adventurous when it comes to dressing myself, I’m a dark jeans and grey T-shirt kinda guy, I mean every day at work they dress me, I don’t actually take notice of what they are putting me in they just zip me up and I walk sometimes before they even finish zipping, I didn’t get that job again. Opps.
Anyway where was I, oh yes, I’ve just moved to the Big Apple. They don’t really care what you wear over here anyway, as long as you mean it. By that I mean you can where that bright pink vest and baby blue trousers, but you got to show in your face as you walk down the street that it was no accident.
I love it out here although no one can really understand a word I’m saying but I’m working on that.
I had a few weeks out here to settle in before I started acting school, so was out every night, partying and making friends; the women over here are cracking.
Even the ones that aren’t tens; which aren’t many dress so bloody sexy they get extra points. You could fall in love everyday, although you can’t; as if you even put a kiss on the end of a text message over here they think you are being to forward and run a mile…..
So you see, I really hope it’s not the end of the world, things are just starting to get interesting and I haven’t been out in over a month now as I have my head buried in books every night and even on my days off, I’m soo emotionally tired from trying to teach myself how to cry on que the whole time, if I did go out I wouldn’t be on top form and would get shot to bits by these; tough, confident, don’t call me more than once a week I’m dating 5 other guys at the same time, insaciable women.
So what we need to do is all write in to Cadburys and get them; CONVINCE them to have a re-think, they just have to make more chocolate, there is just no other way. It’s a simple as that, we need more years on the calendar.
And if for some reason, there really is no more of the Mayan chocolate left, they just.. they will.. lie!
I don’t want to know about the end of the world, can you imagine the chos. For starters I would be wasting time writing this now, I’d be out there working on my ark, raiding every patio decking store I could lay my beady eyes on.
Actually that’s a lie, I wouldn’t, I’d be tucked up in bed somewhere; but that’s another story
So if you don’t ever hear from me again.
Oh well, I tried
Over and out
the first chapter from my new column for brand new high end Mens Fashion Magazine - www.the-article-magazine.com