Jammy Taylor

its easy to be chubby

Written 1/6/2014 – come on England!!


It is said in folk law that nothing you really want in life is easy…

I guess that’s a bit like that girl in the nightclub that’s all over you slurring her words almost holding her coat to leave pulling at your leg; all the while the really hot girl sitting on the other side of the bar twizzling that little cocktail umbrella around seductively and doesn’t even know you exist . Yep we’ve all been there! The Cab home alone replying it over and over!

With my 30th year fast approaching, I’m trying to change a few things, streamline and be more adventurous and finally I decided as the grey distinguishing hairs starting to creep in I just have to expand my acceptance of vegetables. Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of Herbivore friends, indeed even my two sisters are in that camp, well Katie dabbles, she doesn’t mind the odd hamburger after a big night out, but I’ve never really been into it, and truth be told and I’m much more of a meat and potatoes, KFC Drumstick, Plain no nut Dairy milk, the little black and red raspberry sweets you get at the movies, chocolate milk kinda guy

In fact I’ve gone through the past 28 years on pretty much steak, chicken, potatoes, sweetcorn, tomatoes, carrots and fizzy pop.

I was forced to try an Avocado back in February out in LA and now am completely obsessed by them but apparently two a day isn’t all that good for you either but other than that , I have to admit vegetables scare me. They are green!!

But sometimes something happens and it creates a ripple and that forces you to do something about it and here is where my story today begins…

I’ve finally come home to London for summer to watch the World Cup after a long hard fought first 8 months in Los Angeles. I do love it out there, I drive everywhere, eat my chicken drumsticks and my avocado’s; I’ve found this great Mexican place that does the most amazing Guacamole and the Italian downstairs does a chocolate cake like no other.

But no sooner had I finished eating the little packet of love hearts candy I got as we landed on the plane, collect my bag from the carousel and gave me Dad a kiss and a big hug the bubble burst.

Son, have you been eating ok over there…

Yes Dad of course, It must just be from the flying; as we drove back in to central London and went for dinner.

But you see the next day when I popped into my London model agency to say hello, it got worse as even they pulled me up on it. Which let me tell you is about as much fun as leaving a bar with a really drunk girl holding on to your legs and being sick in the taxi on the way home…

So I decided that something had to be done about it but what…

That night I decided to go and meet some friends at this little members place in London. Been going there for years and years but of course with me being away now for so long all the staff had changed over and there was this new guy on the front desk.

I walked in, gave him my members card with my photo on the back signed in and when just to walk in as always. But he stopped me!

Excuse me is this really you…

I stopped dead in my tracks, YES, what are you talking about of course it’s really me; I mean granted the pic was 8 years old but really. So I gave him my driver’s license and still he made a meal off it as if id gone to some elaborate ploy; questioning me but eventually I convinced him it was me.

I get in the lift go upstairs and finally I see a familiar face from one of the managers who worked there, and I started explaining the story from downstairs and how I was given such a hard time, and he jokingly reached and grabbed my belly and said, well im not surprised!!

WOW!! And that’s when it sank in, I pretty much turned back around and left, back past the very busy busy man on reception and straight home.

I was mortified!

I decided that from that moment forward, no one would ever rub my tummy again; well unless it was the hot chick from the other side of the bar with the cocktail umbrella but that would be in an entirely different situation!

To make matters worse, I had to be in Paris in a week seeing clients and they hate fat people over there, they lock them up and throw garlic at them!

I did the only thing I could do. I called my best mate Shane.

Shane can only be descripted as a machine. He’s a bit like a multeaser, he has this hard angry face made of steal but inside is this little sweetheart of a man, but he has this way about him that would make anyone give him their last Rolo. One Arm pull up loving, not a chicken drumstick of fat on him. Not even a whiff. The fittest guy I’ve ever met. Hang on wait, that didn’t sound quite how I intended that last bit to come out, but you know what I mean.

He agreed to help me but only if I was committed to it One Hundred Percent.and he was very very serious. I had no choice, I had to do something about it, Can you just image being tied up and pelted with Garlic…

The next thing I know I was being dragged around an assault course at the gym tied to the spin bike for what seem like an eternity all the while being forced to listen to this music that I can only describe to you as sheer white noise. Like a cross between Garage and Drum and Base, it was horrible. I’m not down with the kids these days.

Then it was off to the supermarket, he made me buy this thing called a Juicer and VEGTABLES, things like Celery, Beetroots and this really scary green stuff called Kale and what’s more that’s was now all I was able to eat.

Not even chicken drumsticks.

But I’ve done myself proud, its now been 6 days and I’ve stuck to it, I’ve trained hard every day and followed his diet plan to the letter, I had nothing but vegetables and water and even in adverse testing environment’s like the Cinema, I shunned the jelly babies at the Pix N Mix like only a hot girl at a bar would and sat there with a brown rice cracker instead. (Only 29 Calories)

I mean it’s not been easy, there have been times like today, when the smell of Nandos nearly overcame me, but I stayed strong and resilient and had a green juice instead.

I’m changed man and with Paris looming tomorrow I’ve lost 5kg and have got my chisel jaw back again.

But it all seriousness it has really made me look at my diet and what I put inside my body and inspired me to work ever harder so that I one day like Shane will finally be able to dance with my shirt off.

And maybe, maybe one day the hot girl the other side of the bar would give me a second look after all…

Nothing you really want is easy

It takes work!

Na night