Written –31/7/13 – in a tincan in the sky on my way to alaska
Ok so there is this girl.
She’s funny, cute, intelligent, smart, sophisticated, sexy, aero dynamic, I could go on, oh and vegetarian; I know! guess you really cant have it all…
We have been friends in London for years and nothing has ever happened but move to New York and the game changes.
It’s a bit like when you meet someone on your 18-30s holiday and you take their address so you can write to them and back home, they only live round the corner and yet you never see them, you never have any intention of ever meeting them again not even for a glass of lemonade or a Frankie & Bennies, even though they live so close, you don’t even end up writing, I guess now days you would just like their odd picture on instragram, but as soon by chance you find out they are out of the country and by chance your in the same place, you HAVE to seem, like a torpedo, nothing else matters in life but meeting them, even it’s for just for a chicken drumstick at KFC in Magaluf; you get the idea
Well this was just like that .
It’s been a year now since I packed my trunk and said goodbye to the circus and moved to New York City. I love it out here. To be honest I couldn’t of wished for a better year. It’s been the hardest year of my life so far but yet the most rewarding, I’ve gone from thinking about being an actor, to playing the lead in two big off Broadway shows, signed to the number one agency in the world and getting auditions for the biggest Hollywood films.
In fact as we speak now, I’m on my way to Alaska to shoot a short film with a Grizzly Bear, I really hope he’s been fed, although I bloody haven’t, I’m really not kidding there is nothing to buy on board this plane except from peanuts and 3 day old salad covered in cheese or junk food and not even good junk food either, complete waste of calories stuff (WOC) it’s a 12 hour flight!!! Thank god they have internet though so I can distract myself and write to all my pen pals and of course arrange my trip to Magaluf.
So a few weeks ago now, I get a text from this girl Amy, telling me she’s just got in to town and would love to hang out. Hang out with me? You want to hang out with me? Are you sure ? emmm ok!
Now Amy really is one of the sexiest girls I’ve ever met, she’s amazing, 10 out of 10 I would sign on the dotted line tomorrow, buy her a whole bargain bucket, well if she wasn’t one of those vegetarian types.
You get the picture! Game Changer! She’s a Unicorn!
Anyway so finally, after years of trying in London, now its all exotic with us both being in New York, we decided to finally go for a bite to eat. She actually took me to a vegetable restaurant, but you know what it was actually alright, she was amazing company and If I just closed my eyes and forgot what I was eating, and washed it down with enough coca cola I could take down anything, even a Brussels-sprout.
We had a lovely evening, we laughed, oh how we laughed and at the end of the night, I put her in a cab home. The night went so well, we had already arranged to go for a walk around central park the next day, it was all hunky dory.
Then I got a txt saying she had left her duck umbrella at the restaurant last night, try in vein as I did to recover it, it was alas too late and was gone for ever.
As you can imagine, she was shell shocked. But nothing an ice cream with a chocolate flake in it couldn’t sort out.
Anyway, we hung out quite a lot that week, I even made her sit through my theatre show 3 times and it was the last few days before I packed my bags and had to head home to London for a couple of weeks to pay my electric bill and get my hair cut and such like, I only trust one man with that job, these locks are precious you know.
So it’s the penultimate night off my show, I leave for London on the Sunday, its been raining hard in New York all week and me and Amy have been getting closer and closer. You could feel the electricity in the air over our bowl of mussels that night. Turns out she was popping back to London for a couple of weeks too.
Anyway so, the next day I’m at work and one of my fellows actors walks in and to my complete surprise he has his own duck umbrella. The minute I saw it, I knew this would be the clincher, serious brownie points, so I got on my knees and pleaded with him to let me have it, which of course he did on one condition, that he would take it home that night as it was really heavily raining still but he assured me the next day, my last day of the show it was all mine.
I couldn’t wait to tell Amy that I had a surprise for her, but still keeping her guessing as what it could be. I was so excited to show her. How gooda boy I had been.
The next morning came and I wake up to a text from my fellow actor informing me, he got drunk that night, and had only gone and left my; MY duck umbrella on the subway!! I know, right!!!
What the hell was I to do now, by this point it was already 11am and I had to be at the theatre by 6pm and it was absolutely pouring with rain in in New York City.
I couldnt let her down now…
So that was it, I was a man on a mission, I had to find a new duck umbrella, I Just had too, there was no two ways about it!
I spent then entire day traipsing around in the rain getting absolutely soaked looking hi and low, there wasn’t an outlet in Chinatown I did not frequent, not a dodgy watch seller I didn’t interrogate, not a show repairers I didn’t , well you get the idea..
For the longest time, I thought my efforts would be in vein, that I was about to blow my one shot with Amy, as the fat lady began to warm up, just passing a shop in grand central station, out of the corner of my eye I found a little man selling them.
I couldn’t believe I had actually managed to find another one, surely this was the sign!!
This girl would be a keeper and things would be different this time…
I was so excited, I practically skipped back to the theatre like Gene Kelly for my final performance that night.
I just about made back in time and as the show opened up for the final performance, I could see Amy sitting in the sold out audience, smiling up at me, of course I couldn’t let on I could see her, I had to play it cool, well that and the fact I had 199 other people looking at me.
As the show finished and I gave my bowl for the final time, I quickly made my way out to the audience to see her, then dragged her off to my dressing room to give her, her surprise.
I had a bottle of champagne on ice, normally I bloody hate champagne, gives you smelly breathe and makes my tummy feel all funny, but women like it, so I just went with it.
That was the moment, I surprised her with her brand new duck umbrella!
She was over the moon and gave me a kiss and said thank you. I thought the time was right, so I decided to pop THE question……
“Amy, Will you see me in London next week, you know, for a glass of lemonade or a Frankie & Bennies?”
There was an awkward silence, or maybe it was me just being paranoid.
She said yes!!!!
And with that she was in a cab and gone and I was off home to pack and off to the airport.
All week long we kept in touch, I was so excited about being home in London and really looking forward to seeing Amy.
Maybe I had become exotic after all.
Maybe this would be the first time I would keep in touch with the pen pall and we would visit each other and it didn’t matter we were both in the same country and not abroad.
It was the morning of the night off the date, I had so many plans racing through my complex little mind, how it would be, would tonight be the night, what vegetables I would have to eat to achieve this…
When all of a sudden, Hi James, I’m not feeling very well, I can’t make it tonight.
I was gutted!
I tried again or few more times over the next few weeks, but still nothing, we had gone from texting and talking all day in NYC, with instant return to messages, to now waiting days for a one line response. I was home for a month and never did get to see her again in London.
Which brings me to my conclusion
Girls don’t really like Duck Umbrellas. Just keep it simple and take them down to KFC.