Jammy Taylor

cat nip for women

Written  – 10/12/2012 – cheque please!

It is winter in New York City.

Sitting in a café, watching the world pass by through the plastic sheeting in what was the outdoor garden with my cup of hot chocolate; trying to keep warm. Been out here now 6 months but still not a coffee drinker, oh no! And whilst I’m at it; what is this brunch thing all about. I don’t get it! It’s like lunch but just with half the good things taken off the menu?

There is a different feel about things now.  Gone are the warm long nights of laughter in the air, everyone is rapped up warm going about the business as fast as they can to shelter from the cold, all mated up with the new found summer love; walking along the street cuddling into one another, ready to lock themselves away together for Christmas and play Monopoly and watch Home Alone.

I mean it all sounds so Charles Dickens and perfect, but for me right now, it’s all a bit; Bryan Adams, “After the boys (girls) of Summer have gone!”.

Having said that, I’m loving my time out here. I’ve made some great new friends, I’ve even converted a few of them into West Ham fans; (what they don’t know any better! ) And make them come every week to watch the games at the sports bar with me.

I’m slowly starting to learn how things work out here, I’ve stopped putting kisses on my text messages, I”ve stopped saying things like, do you fancy a drink?  Or half 7 rather than 7.30  as they just don’t get it!

I’ve touched on it before, but New York women are tricky. Absolutely Beautiful, Stunning even, but tricky!  I would love to meet someone nice, pretty but also someone to have a laugh with,  someone to take ice skating in central park, to watch the Die Hard back catalogue with; you know, nice coupley things that your meant to do in winter but as yet, no such luck.

Well that was until the other day, when I was riding on the subway back to my apartment after school, you know minding my own business, dreaming about getting home and finishing off that Terry Chocolate orange I had left over from the English shop, in a little world of my own.

When all of a sudden, this beautiful girl gets on and sits down right opposite me. Quite tall about 5ft 10, long blonde hair, nice smile, cute teeth the sick out a little at the sides, big brown eyes and dressed immaculately.

The train gets on it’s way and we sort of both look up, and catch each others eye and quickly look away.  Pretending to be reading the adverts or counting down the stops till we get off but every so often both of you looking up to check if the other person was looking.

We were approaching my stop, now normally I am actually pretty shy, I would get off and it wouldn’t be until as the train doors shut and as the train slowly pulls out of the station that she turns around and you both look and smile through the window and that knowing look you give each other and your left thinking what could have been…

But today, today was different, I don’t know what came over me, I guess I was just feeling brave, so just as I was readying myself to get off, I stood leaned across and said “Hi I’m James, I don’t normally do this but I would love to buy you a drink sometime”.

She looked me up and down and there was a long pause and I was thinking hang on, what have I just done here, thinking I was just about to get blown out, when all of a sudden as the train pulled into my stop she said, sure, what’s your number.

I quickly told her it and made a jump as the train doors slammed shut, only bloody catching my bag in the door as I left; smooth Taylor, very smooth! (idiot)

As the train pulled out I saw her laughing, thinking to myself, well I’ve blown that one.

But to my surprise a couple of hours later, I get a text, Hi James, this is Hannah.

I was shocked! We got talking over text, I had to restrain myself a little as not to go too crazy and scare her off before she could get to know me properly and understand that I’m not actually nuts; just a little excitable at times, but we arranged to meet for a drink at the end of the week.

Tonight was the night, a quite Sunday evening in Soho, we arrange to meet somewhere cool at this little low key bar that we both knew, I was so nervous, but as she sat down, I started to relax.

The conversation flowed, she was quite funny she was smart, she seemed to understand my accent and even pretended to laugh at my jokes and thought I looked just like Gerald Butler; which apparently was her number one crush in 2011. Marvelous, ill take that!

Of course my mind now was racing ahead, what you doing every night this week? Lets go Ice Skating! Cinema! Ikea to buy furniture!

Things were going well, we had skipped dinner and just gone straight for this huge apple pie with ice cream for desert and just as we were tucking in, all of a sudden; she looked up at me, with this look on her face, this look of shock…

It was all going so well….

And that’s when she said it……!

6 little words that would strike the fear into any man!



“Is that Ryan Gosling over there?”




You have to be kidding me….