Jammy Taylor

for their eyes only

Sorry for the delay everyone, been back in the UK for my birthday and having a little rest in-between term time, it’s been pretty full on out there, but loving every second.  However just as I start to repack my winter wardrobe to go back,  I’ve just realised I’m now going to be away for this years James Bond Movie Premier!  Oh what i would give to go to that!

Looks like I just need to keep working harder till I’m in it.

Here is what happened at the last James Bond Premier ,  enjoy!!!


Written – the names, taylor, james taylor

For the last 3 weeks my mission, has been to get some tickets to go to the James Bond Royal world movie premiere. Over that time, nothing has come close, to how important this is, (not even that cute blonde, who I quite liked.) It’s been billed as the movie event of the year, every one, who’s anyone, is going to be there; even the Queen, and that’s just such a waste of a ticket if you ask me. I mean, I know for a fact that I would get much more enjoyment going to it than she would, the women doesn’t even speak, just shakes everyone’s hand. I bet she doesn’t even like James Bond.  Where I on the other hand, love the stuff; I’ve even got the video box set to prove it.

I mean it’s so tight to get into, I’ve been trying from every know source, but it’s been impossible, not even big Dave could hook me up. Bastard!!!

Regrettable, this morning I conceded defeat, and just decided to get out of London, for a few days and head home, to escape the hysteria and put my head in the sand. I mean let’s face it, No one even knows in Canvey Island, who James Bond is, let alone when the premiere is.

So I packed my bags, jumped in the car and headed back home. Traffic was horrendous, all of the embankment road, was shut off, due to some state opening, of parliament or something, apparently the Queen was going to that as well; see, she would go to the opening of a crisp packet, she always has to be in on everything even when I buy a KFC she is all over the money.

Anyway after finally getting through the carnage, and about 5 miles from home, the phone rings, Unbelievable it’s Dave. He’s got a friend, whose has just come by 2 tickets to go to the premier. I mean, all-star tickets, drink reception, down the red carpet, meet the stars, sit next to the Queen, everything, all for £600 for the pair, as a last minute special offer. (Well maybe not the Queen part, but you get the gist..) It was already 3pm by now and it started at 6pm. So I didn’t have much time to act.

Anyway after a quick conversation with my old mate Matthew, we decided to go for it; I mean there is not many times in life you can say you went to a James Bond Premiere.  So then there was the question of what to wear, and I only had about 2 minutes to sort something out, so I went to the local hire shop a hired myself a little tux. Then it was a quick dash back to London to pick up the tickets, jump in the shower, learn how to tie a bow tie, then jump in a cab to meet Matt in Oxford Street, ready for our big arrival, which I left for him to sort out. 

Bloody people carrier what was he playing at; This was the world premier to James Bond, you don’t turn up in a people carrier, although we were a little early, so no one saw, so we headed up to the pre film drinks reception to have a quick martini at the other side of the square. We were both now so excited, as we looked out from the 8th floor overlooking Leicester Square taking picture of each other on our phones, holding our martini’s in our penguins suites, pretending to be the main man.

Eventually after resisting the temptation sooner we decided to head back downstairs to make our big entrance. Now did I say we were excited; we were sooooo excited, the atmosphere was amazing; Leicester square was a wash with James Bonds. It was just like the scene from the movie, “The Thomas Crown Affair”, just without all the bowler hats. (Or maybe March of the penguins) We couldn’t believe our luck, we felt like we were actually one of the stars, with people trying to take pictures of us and all the flashing lights and this long red carpet. 

We finally cleared security with our red passes, and then we were off down the red carpet, loving every second of it, posing for the cameras walking as slow as we possible could, taking it all in, until we got to this sort of roundabout thingy in the middle, and then, with our red passes were directed off right; we just thought that they were splitting the carpet and that both went round to the entrance, so off we trotted.

However, we soon found out it didn’t!! (There had to be some mistake, did they know who we were?)

You see; one went left past all the television cameras and up to the main cinema and one went right, to some cinema around the corner, where there were no cameras, where there were no stars, where there were no flashing lights, just this red carpet full of people like us, all dressed up, all who had recently discovered that they too had got the short straw, and were defiantly not going to meet the Queen tonight, or anybody else for that matter.  We were gutted. I really wanted to meet Elton John as well and Matt wanted to meet that Lohan bird.

The reality hit hard, and it would have of hit Dave harder if he had of been there, you just wait till I get my hands on him. I’ll give him special offer.

Anyway the film was actually quite good. (I’m sure the Queen loved it.) But that’s not the point. We even had to buy our own drinks and popcorn! And that just ain’t cricket! Nor is the fact that once we indeed eventually got to our seats, in the cinema down the road, everyone totally over dressed, and sad faced, all wishing our tickets were a different colour, just to rub salt into the wound, we then had to sit and endure watching everyone else with their purple tickets arrive on the big screen.

They had rushed all the reds out of the way, so we were off the carpet, for when Elton and the Queen rocked up and that’s just mean.

To put it in food terms; we went to a restaurant, ordered a steak and barely got the salad; we could have of gone next week and saved £293 pound each. I mean we could have of gone 42 times for that and still had money left over for popcorn and some sherbet and maybe even a people carrier home again. But now all our dreams had come to nothing. I felt empty inside.

It’s now 3am as I sit here now writing this, whist eating a packet of microwave Chinese chicken wings and drinking a can of cola, reminiscing on what could have been.

But at least I can tell my kids, I was there; well sort of!!

Over and out