Written – what goes around, etc etc
Right! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I would actually like a girlfriend, as right now I really wouldn’t!! I like being young free and single, I like to go out of a night and have a weak shandy or maybe a baileys and not to have worry about who my phone is accidently dialling or worry about her turning up mid flow. And the best part about it is, if the one your kissing gets too drunk and runs off to the toilet to be sick, the ability to just move on to her mate. Just kidding of course, I would never actually do that. Well maybe!!
Although the trouble for me with kissing lots of different girls is always having to ask, “excuse me love, have you ate any nuts tonight”,
“WHACK”, right across the face!! No No I didn’t mean it like that, come back!!
I mean I’m not actually that great with choosing girls, I always seem to pick the wrong ones. I always either end up with a right bunny boiler, who’s fine until you take her home, and then after she just wont leave you alone, ringing you all day, stalking your facebook you know the type!!
Or I get the ones who really play hardball, normal the ones with rich Daddies who just expect you to pay for everything and expect you to jump and drop everything at their beck and call; their a different breed all together.
And whilst I’m on the subject….
(Though I always have every intention of paying for dinner and being the perfect gentleman, it’s always nice if the girl at least pretends to offer to pay or at least doesn’t run off to the bathroom, just as the bill arrives.
And girls with overpower perfume, Stop!! There is nothing worse that going in for a kiss and getting a woft of it up your nostrils and making you gag just at the moment of truth.
Anyway so there I am dancing away in this club the other day, minding my own business, when up comes this girl, taps me on the shoulder and starts talking to me. Now not many girls really come up to me, so I was a bit taken a back. She’s was cute, about 5, foot 10, brunette, (I know there’s a change) anyway she ended up getting my number, But I didn’t really think I would see her again. She had more front than me. Don’t know if I liked that or not.
But then earlier today, I get this call, “Hi James is Laura, we met last week, do you wanna take me for dinner”
Now at first I was like, right you cheeky cow, no I don’t, so I just made up some excuse and said I don’t think I can tonight, sorry.
But then I had a little think about it, and decided maybe today was the day, I tried things a little differently. So I txt back and said let me know your address and I’ll pick you up at 8.
You see for months Eddie has been having a go at me about the amount of money I spend when going out on dates with girls, I wouldn’t normally blink if spending £100 pounds on dinner, taking them to the poshest restaurants and trying to impress them, spending all my money; it takes a lot of bliss magazines to pay for it you know!!
He reckons, there is no need to spend that type of money, he believes that if a girl really likes you, you could take her on a date to McDonalds and still get the same outcome. I’m not sure if I would quite have the balls to carry that one off but I thought his theory was worth a try, so I decided to change a few of the particulars and give it a go and tonight was that night. I’d show her, ‘Do you wanna take me out tonight?” what was she thinking, who says that!!
So I pick her up from this great big house down by Chiswick. There she was, all made up to the nines, in this pretty flowing dress with this little bag to match and she hopes into Gladys to see me dressed, well; in my converse and a t-shirt, anyway she gives me a little hi peck on the cheek and we start heading back into London.
She is talking to me telling me her Dad is a banker in the city and her Mum just does charity work, (Oh no! Another one of them) to be honest at first I thought I really cant go actually go through with this and that I should just divert back to some posh steak house on the way but no, I stuck firm and was going to go through with my original plan.
So she started to ask about where we were going, I just said, It was a surprise, I said, “I hope your hungry”!!
After about 20 minuets of driving, we had reached our destination, yes you guessed it; the world famous, Chelsea pies stand. I couldn’t of taken her to McDonald’s; I’m not that low.
We pulled up outside and at first she did look at bit puzzled, as we were by the side of a busy road and surrounded by taxi drivers and big helmet wearing, leather glad, dodgy moustache looking bikers, I don’t know if she thought I was joking or not but we both got out the car and walked up to the counter. “You can have anything you want”, I proclaimed, it’s on me!! She didn’t say anything but I could tell she wasn’t used to this, I couldn’t believe I had actually gone through with it
By now my heart was racing, I thought she was going to slap me, I mean this girl had gotten all dressed up and everything; she didn’t really fit in at a greasy pie stand but to my surprise, she just got on with it and ordered, a burger and chips and then turned to me and smiled, of course I just had my usual, which I didn’t even need to ask for, the boys new me so well by now.
So we got our burgers and headed down to a bench by the riverside, in fact right under where I used to live. It was a beautiful evening, all the water was calm and there was a full moon in the sky, the burgers weren’t half bad either, and though she didn’t say anything I could tell she was a little shocked by it all. We sat there chatting which must have of been for at least an hour, and when she got cold she cuddled up to me under my arm and gave me a cheeky kiss. (Textbook Manoeuvre)
So maybe it had worked after all ?
As I dropped her off home, she seemed to be happy, maybe she was inwardly thinking; “thank god, I can get away from the tight fisted freak”, but she hid it rather well, as she shut my car door with a bang, telling me that next time the burgers were on her. (So I had to have done something right.)
To tell you the truth, I was a little taken aback by her and I actually quite liked it, maybe this one may be the one? Maybe Edward was right after all? You never know!!
Anyway, it was still quite early and it was Friday night, and I knew a few of the boys were heading out to this new club, so I nipped home and got changed and by the time I eventually made if down there it was now about 1o’clock.
So I go in and end up at this table, and I had left the car at home, so I’m having a little drink and you know, after a glass, I was a bit tipsy, you know me, but it didn’t seem to matter, I’m not quite sure how but I ended up kissing this girl next to me, and it all seemed to be going quite well, for the life of me I couldn’t remember her name though, but by now I had had 2 shandys.
I just excused myself for a moment to go to the toilet and on route checked my phone and I had a text from Laura saying, “Just tucked up in bed, thank you for a nice evening, hope to see you again, kiss kiss”.
And then just as I was heading back to the table, it was pretty busy, so I had to take a diversion back as we were right at the other end of the club from the toilets, so there I am excusing myself and trying to make my way through, when I’m trying to get past this couple kissing.
You know those right annoying couples who stand write in the only walk way, eating each others faces off and your left stood behind them tweederling your thumbs waiting for them to get a room, so you can get past and get back to the bird you were kissing. Selfish bastards!!
Anyway eventually they have stopped kissing and the girl turns round to me as if to apologise for making me wait and as the girl turned around, it’s only bloody Laura.
I didn’t quite know what to say and for that matter, neither did she, I think we both knew the game was up, we just sort of nodded to each other and went on our separate ways.
I mean what was she thinking, going out on a date with me, then making me believe she was going to bed, alone, and the going out clubbing and then making me wait why she kissed some bloke right in front of me.
I mean; surely girls don’t do such things!! There goes all my trust for life now, right there. I mean I don’t think I can every trust a woman again, so crafty and dishonest, thinking I was a fool, and them coming unstuck!!!! Caught red handed!!
Of course, it’s ok that I did it!! I’m a man**
**im just playing , calm down x