Jammy Taylor

nutmare before christmas

nutmare before christmas

Written – 25/12/2014

It’s Christmas day night, had a lovely day with Mum and Dad, it always nice to come home to Essex and see everyone, put my Christmas Onsie on that I wear at no other time of the year and live in it for a few days straight, infact I haven’t taken it off in 3 days now. It’s so comfortable.

Christmas on Canvey Island in the Taylor Household is always the same, we always end up next door in Auntie Annie’s, who’s not actually my Auntie like my Auntie Doreen is, no; but more like a second Mum and in fact; she is my Mums best friend.

She always cooks a mountain of food at Christmas time, like not just Christmas day; like the whole week of Christmas, turkey, pork, beef, chicken, pizza, sausage rolls, the lot!! There is always a house full of people to look after, it’s just our thing and its been that way as long as I can remember.

The only thing is and 29 years in, she always forget I’ve got a Nut Allergy and starts offering them out to everyone before I clock in out of the corner of my eye, and explode into a hissyfit and get them all banned and locked away in the cupboard again immediately and send everyone off to wash there hands, before we can continue playing Monopoly.

Come to think of it, even my own father who knows that I impose a strict , No Nut rule anywhere in my family home, thinks just because I’m living mostly 7,000 miles away in Los Angeles it’s ok to flaunt the nut rules. I mean, it’s not!!! EVER!

Anyway I survived another Christmas now and I’m starting to get myself ready for the new Pilot season out in LA. .

I just moved apartment last week, before I came back home for Christmas and this is where todays story begins….

So I’m out looking for a new place, I got bitten in bed by a spider last week and woke up with my bottom double the size and that bastard crawling past my pillow and decide after squashing him with old modelling portfolio; that maybe time to find a new less spider infested home.

So I’m looking around with this estate agent (realtor ) at all these properties and I finally found one I liked, really nice modern complex, with a nice view and the outdoor gym area and a pool and whilst I’m on the way up, I see this really sexy girl laying by an otherwise empty pool in this tiny little bikini, making a call on her phone.

Anyway as I come back down again after signing the new lease on my new home; I take on more look by the pool to see if she was still there and she was but still on the call, so there was no way of talking to her. Oh well, I thought.

So I give it one last look around the pool, trying to make myself look busy, when all of a sudden, she sits up holds her call and says to me, “Hey, your cute, you should take me out sometime!”

I was shocked, Emm,” Hi I’m James”. No one has ever been so forward with me before. But then again this was LA, anything can happen.

I couldn’t believe my luck, I had found this amazing apartment and had this amazing hot girl, stop her phone girl to ask me out, I mean it was Christmas after all but really..

So I go meet my mate Chris for lunch and were chatting about it, I show him my spider bite and my new apartment and tell him about this Mermaid I saw by the pool and we do what anyone does now days and type her name into Instagram.

And we started going through her pictures and all of a sudden, he stopped me and starts laughing.

I was like what? What’s funny?? He was like, James, I recognise that girl, she’s a Porn Star.

Oh no, your kidding me, well that’s that then I thought, but he was like what are you talking about, you have to go out with her for at least one drink just for curiosity.

I still wasn’t sure, but after a few drinks and some research ;) Some Dutch Courage I decided to drop her a txt and asked if she wanted to grab a coffee with me tomorrow.

She replied and said how about she pops over for coffee at mine tomorrow after her Spin class.

At this point, Chris starts cracking up and I start to get a little cold feet.

I wont lie I was pretty nervous, I didn’t know what to expect but Chris was going on and on and said he wouldn’t talk to me if I didn’t do it. It’s Everymana fantasy appare ntly!! So eventually I agreed.

Around 11am the next morning, there was a knock on the door and in she walked in the tight gym gear. She was stunning and she came in and we sat and chatted for about 15 minutes and then she excused herself and when to the bathroom. At which point I txt Chris and was like what the Hell have you got me into!!!

She then comes out the bathroom and before I knew what hit me; like a Typhoon she started kissing me, she then leads me out to the balcony and all the while in complete control of the situation, I was like a lamb to the slaughter, she turns to me, whispers something in my ear and……

 

Mum stop reading this now!

Starts to unbutton my trousers and begins to do something I will not talk about to me…

I’m there in disbelief, looking down at her smiling up at me, thinking how the hell is this happening. A Porn Star!! Yesterday I was being viciously attacked by a Spider and today… well!!

All was right in the world, I actually saw Weho Jesus but then all of a sudden, I started to feel a really funny feeling in my lips. They started to tingle….

I look down again at her smiling up and I give her a half smile back, all the while hand up touching my every expanding lips.

Simultaneously I started to get a strange feeling down there.

My head dropped as the realisation of what was happening took hold.

OH NO, are you kidding me….

I place my hand on her shoulder in order to get her attention, She’s somewhat startled and is like, “What? don’t you like it?”

And I’m like no… It’s not that

Emmm, how do I put this….

I’m really sorry and im not trying to be funny, but

“Have you ate any Nuts today?”

 

jtx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jenny was a friend of mine

Jenny was a friend of mine

Written 18/10/2014 – London home on a Saturday night on the sofa

Good Evening!! Just sitting here on the sofa, finally home in London, the calm before the storm of going back to Los Angeles this week, now into my 30th year. I’m a child no more, I mean I’ve looked 30 now for some considerable amount of years already; I’m hoping that slows down a wee bit as I get older and even maybe levels out, I mean I’m not expecting the whole Benjamin Button thing as that didn’t look at that fun at the end either but as with all things a nice balance would be good.

I’m actually enjoying my grey wings in my hair coming in and the wiser, older self. The last year has been a real learning curve, with a lot of sacrifices made, highs and lows and a great deal of endeavour.

There are not many thing in life I regret, I mean maybe not keeping a slightly lower profile at school, keeping my head down and taking French lesson seriously, listening to Auntie Annie more about looking after my teeth, oh and dumping Jenny by text message.

I know, what a fucker right, even now 16 years on it still haunts me, poor girl. I don’t know what I was thinking. Yeah that one still plays on my mind. Not cool.  I assure you all I will never make that mistake again.

It’s better to front things head on, say what you mean and how you feel and don’t hide behind the curtain.  I heard a great saying just last week, “Everything done in the dark, eventually come out into the light…” Jenny if you reading this now, IM SORRY!

But I’m making amends.  I’ve also just spent a week knocked out in bed after having a tooth out and Invasline braces made and fitted.  Annie bless her cotton socks was right. Now I’m out in LA, my Canvey Island smile, just wasn’t going to cut it..

I’ve never been in so much pain in my life.  The bloody tooth just would not come out, then got infected, I mean you could see the sweat on my poor dentists face building up as he realised the magnitude of the situation and once we started there was no going back, whist I lay back and thought of England, mouth open with him tugging away with these giant clamps for an hour and a half, bloody things was like and Ice Berg, the size of it, No wonder the crocodile was so angry, pulling teeth is no fun what so ever, but alas in 13 months time I will finally have nice straight teeth.

I was meant to have a brace when I was younger but to be honest I had a hard enough time at school as it was and Jenny would never have of fancied me with great big bloody train tracks in my mouth.  At least now as much as it hurts and feel like I’ve been smacked in the mouth every morning these are discreet and see-through.

I mean I can already see the plus side, Snacking is now near on impossible, it’s such a palaver to get the bloody things in and out and with all the teeth cleaning before you can put them back in again, you pretty much only eat 3 times day and the rest of the time only water, fantastic diet plan, for the first time in my life I have unopened chocolate buttons just sitting in my fridge and I just cant be bothered to go through it all to eat them.

Things are finally starting to come together out in LA, it’s a tough old gig and even me who’s now quite used to rejection still finds it hard but after working like crazy, learning how to talk comprehendible rather than only people over Upton Park being able to understand me, working on my craft, dance lessons, accent lessons you name it, I’m just about to film a small part in my first ever feature this week and have a few really exciting projects coming out in the next few months.

But literally I’ve just spent a week bed bound watching old re runs of Dale Winton’s Super Market Sweep and I normally like to keep myself busy, it’s killed me stuck in bed. It really was too painful to move. Even to urge on the TV for them to go for the Inflatable Banana Bonus was proving taxing, maybe it was Gods way of paying me back for Dumping Jenny…

I’ve been thinking about her a lot about her this week, poor old Jenny, such a sweet girl, my first kiss.  Yep true story. Maybe one day our paths will cross again…

Oh I’m being all soppy now, MAN UP TAYLOR, I don’t know, maybe it was the old wisdom tooth coming out that brought it on, this sudden reflective time; maybe it was Dale Winton, who knows…

But then all of a sudden whilst I’m laying there and I guess the reason why now the first day I’m better and can actually move again, on a Saturday night, I’m in writing this and not out on in the disco-tech on my final weekend in London this year, was that I got text yesterday from the editor of the magazine I’ve been writing pieces for, for the past 3 years now, I mean I went in at the ground level and wrote for free out of love in my spare time from the prototype till now.

And after chasing me to ask for my latest piece about dating in a LA with a girl at dinner with a guy waiting in the car park for her waiting to take her out on her next date…  I do bloody pick them don’t I!

He then text me to tell me that he no longer needed me to write for the next issue as the magazine was talking a different direction.

Yep, by text…

Over and out

jtx

welcome to LA

Welcome to LA

Written – Soho House Rooftop

 

Like many Brits who have gone before me moving to LA is jolly tricky thing to do. It’s a bit like wining one of those Teddies from the grab machine, you get it close a few times, even pick it up, everyone willing you on around you, but it always drops out before you get it in the hole, it’s kinda like that hard. Even now as I reside in the almost universal safe house of the Soho House, this little tranquil piece of home, where they are trained to decipher our accents, our names for things and serve Heinz Baked Beans for breakfast. “Cheers love and can I have a floater and just the bill, fanks! ”. But outside these walls is a whole other world!

 

I’ve been out here almost a year now, it lures you in once you do manage to get the Teddy in the hole, the sun shines nearly everyday and the days it doesn’t I chuck a little hissy fit but after a few hours of demanding my money back, I’m fine.

 

I sold my entire beanie baby collection and all my micro machines to be here and I will not let them go in vain!

 

But behind the shinny avocado growing exterior and the fact everyone is trying to do the same thing as you, all competing in a giant rat race with the highest stakes in the world, it can be quite a lonely old place.

 

I was having at this Chinese massage the other, it was a Friday evening and I was laying there, Me and Hum-Ming and I swear she was finding tension and causing me pain in places that until that moment felt quite spritely; I mean literally she was elbowing me in the face and walking along my back, it was agony but I’m laying there in between the yelps of pain (maybe with a few little tears forming ) trying to keep it all together, thinking away to myself and what I came up with was this was actually as good as my Friday night was going to get.

 

I had no plans tonight, I mean of course I could go to the safe house, which is always a sure fire bet you will run into half of London but it’s no fun on your own, all my close friends either work nonstop or are in couples and Friday night is date night.

 

So I think to myself fine; it’s ok, I’ll go home, read some scripts, do my homework and prepare myself, I mean maybe I’ll play on facebook or watch some porn but you get the gist and I’ll go out in the week instead, but then the week comes around and I’m busy and my friends are busy and I think to myself, ok fine, I don’t need to go out in the week, I’ll go out next weekend, then the following weekend comes around again and again and it the same situation. Just me and Hum-Ming! I mean I’m saving a fortune! She’s Cheep as chips! Forty five dollars for a hour plus tip and toll.

 

My great acting teacher in New York once said to me, that if you have time to do anything else, your not working hard enough and in this town, he’s right, if your not on it twenty four seven , there are twenty four other guys who look like you willing to go there.

 

 

I have some great people my life and my motto, “is the best that I can be” and with their guidance I’ve really changed myself the last few months, I’ve lost a stack of weight, like nearly 10kg (16pounds) I now have a trainer 6 days a week, hence why I keep Hum-Ming so busy as my body is falling apart. I’ve started Meditating and reading more, I’m juicing and have started a brand new brilliant acting school.

 

In New York I was out every night, all night, but here every ones in bed at 10pm, So I’ve decided to try and find a middle ground, to get my work done and keep all my balls in the air but to go a little deeper into LA culture and socialise a little more leave the safe house, try a burrito and oh I don’t know and take myself out for brunch. I mean what even is that… can you have baked beans with it ?

 

So last week whilst Hum-Ming was doing her think I devised a plan, I had done some research and rather than sitting at home in my kitchen learning lines I would get myself down to this place called the Urth Café, which I liked already as it was like saying Earth with my hard Essex accent that only normally comes out when I’m at a West Ham game.

 

How bad could it actually be leaving my comfort zone…

 

I went in, waited in line for a table, ordered myself a little kale salad with some chicken and avocado and a Jasmine mint green tea and I was well away sat there reading my lines.

 

Was there about half hour observing the world go by, quietly enjoying myself secretly proud of myself for pushing the envelope and getting out of the house, when all of a sudden, this gorgeous blonde comes and sits next to me.

 

We got chatting and before a traffic warden could give me another ticket for parking on a mildly mild steep hill with my wheel facing straight and not into the curb which of course on my jeep would make the other side quite largely pop out into the road of the traffic going past and therefore becoming a target for the well trained American drivers to hit and smash up my car… I had her number and we arranged to go for a drink this Friday night. I did feel a little bad on Hum-Ming, letting her down from our little Friday night slot but I’m she will understand.

 

Now I’ve learnt the hard way about texting girls in America; putting a kiss on a message is the kiss of death, literally they freak out and run away. But this girl was throwing them about willy-nilly, reconfirming and confirming again, calling to make sure I was on my way, and what to wear kiss kiss kiss.

 

Friday night finally rolled around, I informed Hum-Ming of the bad news and I was excited about my date, I had all my ducks in a row with all my homework done, I decide to leave the Jeep at home and get one of the posh big Uber Suv’s to pick her up in, yep I was going all out, a Prius just wasn’t going to cut the mustard tonight.

 

I’d picked this cute little understand restaurant in Laurel Canyon that my married friend John used when he was in trouble with his misses to get out of jail every so often, he told me it was a winner and off we went….

 

She looked every bit as beautiful as she did when I was rushing off before the parking Sargent got me at the café. We had a 9pm table, the place was packed with the whos who of LA, but understated and not flashy at all. They even had BBQ ribs on the menu but for the sake of my brand new white shirt I managed to resist.

 

The conversation flowed well, wed gone through two bottles of red and there were little crayons on the table and we drew each other, she was pretty good, I just tried my best and came up with this blue stick women, but she seemed to approve. But then….

 

As the main course arrived after telling me she had just got back from Ibiza after 3 months just last week, after taking one bite of her WELL DONE! $60 steak, “such a waste, why well done!!” She tells me, that she has to leave at ten thirty as she decided just before she came out tonight to go to an Ibiza reunion party.

 

With my new mellowed out self after working with the mediation and Hum-ming for a few weeks now, I just breathed in a big slow deep breathe and digested what she was telling me all the while looking down at her steak she wasn’t eating and said “ok”. I was calm and collected; a new me…

 

But this wasn’t the KFC drive through and after working my arse off all week and giving myself this one night off this isn’t how I had planned the evening going, indeed the only reason I went to the Urf café is so I wouldn’t be home alone at 11pm on a Friday night anymore…

 

But then came the kicker….

 

So we finish the last of our wine I give one last look to the chard remains of that poor cow and I get the cheque, offering her a lift home and that’s when she hit me with it…

 

That actually the guy she was going to the party with was outside in the car park WAITING FOR HER!!!!!!!!

 

WELCOME TO LA

 

jtx – @jammytaylor

 

 

 

its easy to be chubby

Written 1/6/2014 – come on England!!

 

It is said in folk law that nothing you really want in life is easy…

I guess that’s a bit like that girl in the nightclub that’s all over you slurring her words almost holding her coat to leave pulling at your leg; all the while the really hot girl sitting on the other side of the bar twizzling that little cocktail umbrella around seductively and doesn’t even know you exist . Yep we’ve all been there! The Cab home alone replying it over and over!

With my 30th year fast approaching, I’m trying to change a few things, streamline and be more adventurous and finally I decided as the grey distinguishing hairs starting to creep in I just have to expand my acceptance of vegetables. Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of Herbivore friends, indeed even my two sisters are in that camp, well Katie dabbles, she doesn’t mind the odd hamburger after a big night out, but I’ve never really been into it, and truth be told and I’m much more of a meat and potatoes, KFC Drumstick, Plain no nut Dairy milk, the little black and red raspberry sweets you get at the movies, chocolate milk kinda guy

In fact I’ve gone through the past 28 years on pretty much steak, chicken, potatoes, sweetcorn, tomatoes, carrots and fizzy pop.

I was forced to try an Avocado back in February out in LA and now am completely obsessed by them but apparently two a day isn’t all that good for you either but other than that , I have to admit vegetables scare me. They are green!!

But sometimes something happens and it creates a ripple and that forces you to do something about it and here is where my story today begins…

I’ve finally come home to London for summer to watch the World Cup after a long hard fought first 8 months in Los Angeles. I do love it out there, I drive everywhere, eat my chicken drumsticks and my avocado’s; I’ve found this great Mexican place that does the most amazing Guacamole and the Italian downstairs does a chocolate cake like no other.

But no sooner had I finished eating the little packet of love hearts candy I got as we landed on the plane, collect my bag from the carousel and gave me Dad a kiss and a big hug the bubble burst.

Son, have you been eating ok over there…

Yes Dad of course, It must just be from the flying; as we drove back in to central London and went for dinner.

But you see the next day when I popped into my London model agency to say hello, it got worse as even they pulled me up on it. Which let me tell you is about as much fun as leaving a bar with a really drunk girl holding on to your legs and being sick in the taxi on the way home…

So I decided that something had to be done about it but what…

That night I decided to go and meet some friends at this little members place in London. Been going there for years and years but of course with me being away now for so long all the staff had changed over and there was this new guy on the front desk.

I walked in, gave him my members card with my photo on the back signed in and when just to walk in as always. But he stopped me!

Excuse me is this really you…

I stopped dead in my tracks, YES, what are you talking about of course it’s really me; I mean granted the pic was 8 years old but really. So I gave him my driver’s license and still he made a meal off it as if id gone to some elaborate ploy; questioning me but eventually I convinced him it was me.

I get in the lift go upstairs and finally I see a familiar face from one of the managers who worked there, and I started explaining the story from downstairs and how I was given such a hard time, and he jokingly reached and grabbed my belly and said, well im not surprised!!

WOW!! And that’s when it sank in, I pretty much turned back around and left, back past the very busy busy man on reception and straight home.

I was mortified!

I decided that from that moment forward, no one would ever rub my tummy again; well unless it was the hot chick from the other side of the bar with the cocktail umbrella but that would be in an entirely different situation!

To make matters worse, I had to be in Paris in a week seeing clients and they hate fat people over there, they lock them up and throw garlic at them!

I did the only thing I could do. I called my best mate Shane.

Shane can only be descripted as a machine. He’s a bit like a multeaser, he has this hard angry face made of steal but inside is this little sweetheart of a man, but he has this way about him that would make anyone give him their last Rolo. One Arm pull up loving, not a chicken drumstick of fat on him. Not even a whiff. The fittest guy I’ve ever met. Hang on wait, that didn’t sound quite how I intended that last bit to come out, but you know what I mean.

He agreed to help me but only if I was committed to it One Hundred Percent.and he was very very serious. I had no choice, I had to do something about it, Can you just image being tied up and pelted with Garlic…

The next thing I know I was being dragged around an assault course at the gym tied to the spin bike for what seem like an eternity all the while being forced to listen to this music that I can only describe to you as sheer white noise. Like a cross between Garage and Drum and Base, it was horrible. I’m not down with the kids these days.

Then it was off to the supermarket, he made me buy this thing called a Juicer and VEGTABLES, things like Celery, Beetroots and this really scary green stuff called Kale and what’s more that’s was now all I was able to eat.

Not even chicken drumsticks.

But I’ve done myself proud, its now been 6 days and I’ve stuck to it, I’ve trained hard every day and followed his diet plan to the letter, I had nothing but vegetables and water and even in adverse testing environment’s like the Cinema, I shunned the jelly babies at the Pix N Mix like only a hot girl at a bar would and sat there with a brown rice cracker instead. (Only 29 Calories)

I mean it’s not been easy, there have been times like today, when the smell of Nandos nearly overcame me, but I stayed strong and resilient and had a green juice instead.

I’m changed man and with Paris looming tomorrow I’ve lost 5kg and have got my chisel jaw back again.

But it all seriousness it has really made me look at my diet and what I put inside my body and inspired me to work ever harder so that I one day like Shane will finally be able to dance with my shirt off.

And maybe, maybe one day the hot girl the other side of the bar would give me a second look after all…

Nothing you really want is easy

It takes work!

Na night

jtx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

what the old wise man said… – Article Magazine

what the wise old man said grab 1what the old wise man said…

Written –  from the Monsoon in Antigua  

For the past 3 days I’ve been sitting looking awhat the wise old man said grab 1t my computer screen, not even really knowing where to start, getting eaten alive by repellent; repellent Ninja bloody mosquitos,! I got bitten tonight between my fingers. Do you believe that.. I mean the Nasty bastard, He couldn’t just be happy with my leg or behind the knee, oh no, he went all out and got me right where it hurts.

But battling through all those adversities, finally tonight…..

Are you sitting comfortably?  Then I will begin…

A very wise old man once said to me, James, in life there are very strict  rules to the game your are playing. That wise man, always bloody right! So annoying, He even said I shouldn’t been taking this time off now, I should be working, working working!!!

I remember the exact moment actually, was about 1am at the KFC drive through at Beckton; you know just off the A13 roundabout.

The wise man and I both quite partial to a chicken zinger burger. Many a lesson has been learn over the colonels secret receipt, let me tell you!

He explained to me that in life, there are three wishes, A Hot Lover, Hot Apartment, Hot Job.  And at any one time , no matter what , no matter who you are,  you can only have two of them. Just two at any one time.

But what does the wise old man know anyway! Fool!

The last few months have been pretty crazy. I’ve been working my socks off out and my Acting Career has gone from strength to strength, shooting my first short movie in Alaska with a bear! And even got a proper real agent now and everything.

Although sadly, even though my Mum’s friend Michelle and Auntie Doreen were convinced I should be; I didn’t get Christian Grey.

Do find it slightly unnerving that Auntie Doreen sees me in that way though. I always new Michelle was a cheeky little minx!

Anyway two weeks ago now I decided I didn’t like New York anymore, it was cold, the women thought you were a nutter if you tried to show any sign of commitment and I lived in a room the size of a shoe box which I had to ask my Dad to pay an arm and a leg for and it had a wooden floor that was like being on a hill and a squeaky bed that was like on shopping trolly wheels. Can you just picture that for a second…

I almost turned into Christian Grey myself, tying her to the bed and the bed to the wall so we wouldn’t fall off. Now great with slip knots though if Nautica where ever to call for there next ad campaign..

So with that I packed my trunk, said goodbye to the Circus, had my friend Chris come and help me carry all my boxes down to Fed Ex and was on the next flight out to LA.

All the while having the old wise mans words in the back of my head of course.

I was thinking there must be a way round it.  He can’t always be right! Can he? I want 3 wishes. Not 2!

Now me and the old wise man, speak pretty much every day, where ever I am in the world any time of the day and night; I’ve actually just set him up on twitter now @edwardthebutler so I just tweet him, changing times and all, you know.

So I get to Los Angeles on the Sunday Morning, find my dream apartment that afternoon and that night go out to this random bar and meet the most beautiful creature I’ve ever met, this Australian chick, Shelia.

I think Australians are secretly trying to take over the world. They woo the rest of us with their cute little accents and butter us up with the BBQ ribs and spit roasted chickens, then just when they have you right where they want you, bang they Gobble you up.

And you end up following them around like a love sick puppy helpless with them in total control!  Be careful you have been warned!

Anyway, so it’s all going to plan, I’m loving my new apartment,  I take myself off to Ikea buy myself a nice solid bed that’s not on wheels and a rug to go under it, some nice bar stalls to round my little kitchen breakfast bar and a TV.  Not had one of those in years. Apparently I have to start watching more shows if that’s my job now.

I have an amazing week of meetings, seeing all the top heads in the acting game over there, still loving my apartment and Shelia even volunteered to help me build all my Ikea furniture, then I get a call from London offering me a job Advertising a super Yacht shooting in Antigua.

I couldn’t believe my luck, things like this don’t normally happen to me. I’m clumsy and say the wrong things and always the other guy on option, I didn’t know what the hell was going on, I tweeted the old wise man, I couldn’t believe it!

I had broken the rule I had all 3 wishes, turns out the old wise man wasn’t always right after all….

To tell you the truth I was exhausted, it had been quite the two weeks, so I tweeted the wise old man to see what he thought of the idea of me going out to Antigua a few days earlier to put my feet up a little bit before the craziness of Pilot season.

He wasn’t impressed but I did it anyway.  After all he wasn’t always right. Was he….

By this point a week or so had gone by, I was loving life in LA, it’s sunny and my bed didn’t roll across the floor, I made friends with the nice Italian man in the restaurant around the corner who makes the most exquisite chocolate cakes, I started to adapt to the LA lifestyle,  I went on my first ever hike, I started drinking juices and saying things at the start of a passage of speaking like, “I feel like… “ and “Here’s the thing!”

And that’s when the wheels started to fall off.

That night I go to surprise Shelia at the end of a night out, she’s in some nightclub with her friends.

Now of course I don’t know anyone as just moved to LA, so I roll up outside the club, explain to the nice friendly man on the door that my girl was inside and I would please; if he would be so kind, like to enter.

The Bastard made me wait for an hour and a half before he let me in around 1.30 with the club finishing at 2am.

Writing this now, what the Hell was I thinking!!  Waiting outside a club to get into see a girl on my own like Billy no mates for an hour and a bloody half. It’s Crazy!!  But I told you, those Aussies cast a spell on you!

The nice friendly man who again I will not name finally agrees to let me in and I go in and takes me about 10 mins to find Shelia as the club starts to thin out.

She doesn’t seem all that excited to see me though, somethings different, we have a drink together and she’s acting a little off, of course I didn’t mention I had just been standing outside all night trying to get in just to see her,  I just play it cool like and then she pops it to me…

She’s decided to move back to Australia!!

I mean it only had been 10 days but I’m telling you they have the magical powers, I cut deep!

Of course I sent a tweet back to London.

The next evening I pack my bags all set for my modelling job in Antigua, trying to put the disappointment of losing Shelia behind me, excited about putting my feet up and having a few days to unwind before my shoot.

11 hours later I arrive in Antigua, the sun is shining and its beautiful and then just as I get my bag of the convery-belt;  the phone rings and it’s London on the phone.

“Hi James, You not going to Believe this….”

No I’m probably not, Go on..

“The shoot has been cancelled!”

And at that very second the Heavens Opened and it’s not stopped raining since!!

I’ve never seen so much rain in my life!! It’s a Monsoon!

I’m waiting for an Ark to rock up any minute with a dude with along beard!

So now I’m stuck here getting attacked by the Ninja Mosquitos downing my sorrows with copious amounts of red stripe.

In Conclusion, The old wise man is always right!

Do I tell him or not…

@edwardthebutler shoots going great Eddie, sending lots of love ;)

jtx

what the wise old man said grab 1

what the wise old man said grab 1

what the wise old man said grab 1

never trust a tart – Article magazine

never trust a tart

Written –16/6/13 – somewhere over Mongolia on my way home

 

Hello, me again. It’s currently just rolled past 4am local time, I’m the only one left on the plane awake, everyone else is tucked up for the night but not me, I have my little light on beavering away with the cabin crew on constant standby bringing me red wine to keep me going.

 

I had to nip down to Australia for 4 days, as you do, to take care of some business and frequent my favourite rib restaurant in the world. Was worth it, bloody good ribs.

 

I actually quite like flying. I find it therapeutic, I mean all be it, I try and do it nicely and knick all my Dads air miles to achieve this, thanks Dad.

 

But it gives me a chance to think, to take some time out and to reflect on the craziness; which sometimes is my life and watch the latest Disney film without getting ridiculed, (no one can see what I’m watching)

 

To be fair, between Die Hard 5, Taken 2 and Parker, there wasn’t much on.

 

The rest of the time I spend staring at the sky map. I do love a map.

 

I didn’t actually know what I was going to write, really I should be sleeping as got a long day tomorrow in Germany filming but I knew if I didn’t knuckle down and write something I would face the wrath of the editor Kenny the Ho so I had to pull my finger out.

 

Sometimes even I take things for granted, we all do. Things become too familiar, too easy and it’s not until you lose it or mess it up you realize what you have done.

 

For example, I did something you should never do. I assumed; I trusted the Lemon Tart on the flight down last week didn’t have nuts in. (I’m allergic!)

 

I’m normally so careful, it’s a fine balancing act between telling them before I fly and them making me feel like I’ve just escaped out of a freak show and when everyone else is tucking into their interesting looking meals with sauce and bread, all I get is a blank plate with a piece of plane chicken breast, a bit of broccoli and 3 baby carrots.  It just doesn’t really cut it. Or just running with it not mentioning it and playing spot the nut.

 

I remember telling them once before I boarded, I was nipping out to New York to run the marathon two months after my 18th birthday, I remember getting to check all, all bushy-eyed and excited and asking for an exit row, which I got and as soon as I said I had a Nut Allergy…

They took it back off me and wouldn’t let me sit in it as I was apparently disabled. As you can imagine! I’ve never told them again since! It’s been 9 years and I’ve never had a problem.

 

So last week, after enjoying my nice steak with my Bok-Choy and Hoi Sin sauce, two hours into the flight outside Hong Kong, after just already popping in 7 hours from New York to London and 12 hours to Hong Kong after a quick consultation with Jenny the hot blonde stewardess we concluded the Lemon Tart would be safe to eat, there were no signs of nuts anywhere. Indeed the first two mouthfuls were very very tasty….

 

Oh but it did! Left me with a full on NUT- MARE at 35,000ft and even with my Epi-pen, they had to think about diverting the plane until luckily they found two doctors on board at the last second who came up and gave me some more shots to fix me; my face had swelled up to the size of “The Nutty Professor,” it wasn’t a good look let me tell you!

 

For a second there I didn’t think I would get my ribs after all, it was all quite scary. No ribs!!

 

But it’s made me think about things… appreciate things again.

 

My life moves so fast, I’m never in a place for very long, I spend long periods of time on my own in hotel rooms in distant parts of the world. I’m always thinking about the Next Thing, rather than what I’m doing right now at that very second, enjoying where I am. My brain is always racing ahead.

 

I’m addicted to social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instragram (add me ;) I sometime miss the actual thing I’m doing, as I’m too busy trying to take photos of it for the rest of the world to see.

 

I’m always looking for something SHINIER, BRIGHTER, FLUFFIER, SQUEAKIER!!!!

 

When instead maybe I should just be happy with what I have, who I’m with and where I am at that very second.

 

I had no choice on the flight tonight, I even forced myself to eat the 3 baby carrot and the broccoli, they already got wind of my allergy from the previous crew…

Anyway I’m rambling now but maybe…

 

Maybe there is a lesson in there somewhere for all of us…

Never trust a Lemon Tart!!!

 

Right I’m going back to bed

 

Na night

 

jtx

 

screen grab of tart

duck hunt nyc

Written –31/7/13 – in a tincan in the sky on my way to alaska

 

Ok so there is this girl.

 

She’s funny, cute, intelligent, smart, sophisticated, sexy, aero dynamic, I could go on, oh and vegetarian; I know! guess you really cant have it all…

 

We have been friends in London for years and nothing has ever happened but move to New York and the game changes.

 

It’s a bit like when you meet someone on your 18-30s holiday and you take their address so you can write to them and back home, they only live round the corner and yet you never see them, you never have any intention of ever meeting them again not even for a glass of lemonade or a Frankie & Bennies, even though they live so close, you don’t even end up writing, I guess now days you would just like their odd picture on instragram, but as soon by chance you find out they are out of the country and by chance your in the same place, you HAVE to seem, like a torpedo, nothing else matters in life but meeting them, even it’s for just for a chicken drumstick at KFC in Magaluf; you get the idea

 

Well this was just like that .

 

It’s been a year now since I packed my trunk and said goodbye to the circus and moved to New York City. I love it out here. To be honest I couldn’t of wished for a better year.  It’s been the hardest year of my life so far but yet the most rewarding, I’ve gone from thinking about being an actor, to playing the lead in two big off Broadway shows, signed to the number one agency in the world and getting auditions for the biggest Hollywood films.

 

In fact as we speak now, I’m on my way to Alaska to shoot a short film with a Grizzly Bear, I really hope he’s been fed, although I bloody haven’t, I’m really not kidding there is nothing to buy on board this plane except from peanuts and 3 day old salad covered in cheese or junk food and not even good junk food either, complete waste of calories stuff (WOC) it’s a 12 hour flight!!!  Thank god they have internet though so I can distract myself and write to all my pen pals and of course arrange my trip to Magaluf.

 

So a few weeks ago now, I get a text from this girl Amy, telling me she’s just got in to town and would love to hang out. Hang out with me?  You want to hang out with me?  Are you sure ? emmm ok!

 

Now Amy really is one of the sexiest girls I’ve ever met, she’s amazing, 10 out of 10 I would sign on the dotted line tomorrow, buy her a whole bargain bucket, well if she wasn’t one of those vegetarian types.

 

You get the picture! Game Changer! She’s a Unicorn!

Anyway so finally, after years of trying in London, now its all exotic with us both being in New York, we decided to finally go for a bite to eat.  She actually took me to a vegetable restaurant, but you know what it was actually alright, she was amazing company and If I just closed my eyes and forgot what I was eating, and washed it down with enough coca cola I could take down anything, even a Brussels-sprout.

 

We had a lovely evening, we laughed, oh how we laughed and at the end of the night, I put her in a cab home.  The night went so well, we had already arranged to go for a walk around central park the next day, it was all hunky dory.

 

Then I got a txt saying she had left her duck umbrella at the restaurant last night, try in vein as I did to recover it, it was alas too late and was gone for ever.

 

As you can imagine, she was shell shocked. But nothing an ice cream with a  chocolate flake in it couldn’t sort out.

 

Anyway, we hung out quite a lot that week, I even made her sit through my theatre show 3 times and it was the last few days before I packed my bags and had to head home to London for a couple of weeks to pay my electric bill and get my hair cut and such like, I only trust one man with that job, these locks are precious you know.

 

So it’s the penultimate night off my show, I leave for London on the Sunday, its been raining hard in New York all week and me and Amy have been getting closer and closer. You could feel the electricity in the air over our bowl of mussels that night. Turns out she was popping back to London for a couple of weeks too.

 

Anyway so, the next day I’m at work and one of my fellows actors walks in and to my complete surprise he has his own duck umbrella. The minute I saw it, I knew this would be the clincher, serious brownie points, so I got on my knees and pleaded with him to let me have it, which of course he did on one condition, that he would take it home that night as it was really heavily raining still but he assured me the next day, my last day of the show it was all mine.

 

I couldn’t wait to tell Amy that I had a surprise for her, but still keeping her guessing as what it could be. I was so excited to show her. How gooda boy I had been.

 

The next morning came and I wake up to a text from my fellow actor informing me, he got drunk that night, and had only gone and left my; MY duck umbrella on the subway!! I know, right!!!

 

What the hell was I to do now, by this point it was already 11am and I had to be at the theatre by 6pm and it was absolutely pouring with rain in in New York City.

 

I couldnt let her down now…

 

So that was it, I was a man on a mission, I had to find a new duck umbrella, I Just had too, there was no two ways about it!

 

I spent then entire day traipsing around in the rain getting absolutely soaked looking hi and low, there wasn’t an outlet in Chinatown I did not frequent, not a dodgy watch seller I didn’t interrogate,  not a show repairers I didn’t , well you get the idea..

 

For the longest time, I thought my efforts would be in vein, that I was about to blow my one shot with Amy, as the fat lady began to warm up, just passing a shop in grand central station, out of the corner of my eye I found a little man selling them.

 

I couldn’t believe I had actually managed to find another one, surely this was the sign!!

 

This girl would be a keeper and things would be different this time…

 

I was so excited, I practically skipped back to the theatre like Gene Kelly for my final performance that night.

 

I just about made back in time and as the show opened up for the final performance, I could see Amy sitting in the sold out audience, smiling up at me, of course I couldn’t let on I could see her, I had to play it cool, well that and the fact I had 199 other people looking at me.

 

As the show finished and I gave my bowl for the final time, I quickly made my way out to the audience to see her, then dragged her off to my dressing room to give her, her surprise.

 

I had a bottle of champagne on ice, normally I bloody hate champagne, gives you smelly breathe and makes my tummy feel all funny, but women like it, so I just went with it.

 

That was the moment, I surprised her with her brand new duck umbrella!

 

She was over the moon and gave me a kiss and said thank you.  I thought the time was right, so I decided to pop THE question……

 

“Amy, Will you see me in London next week, you know, for a glass of lemonade or a Frankie & Bennies?”

 

There was an awkward silence, or maybe it was me just being paranoid.

 

She said yes!!!!

 

And with that she was in a cab and gone and I was off home to pack and off to the airport.

 

All week long we kept in touch, I was so excited about being home in London and really looking forward to seeing Amy.

 

Maybe I had become exotic after all.

 

Maybe this would be the first time I would keep in touch with the pen pall and we would visit each other and it didn’t matter we were both in the same country and not abroad.

 

It was the morning of the night off the date, I had so many plans racing through my complex little mind, how it would be, would tonight be the night, what vegetables I would have to eat to achieve this…

 

When all of a sudden, Hi James, I’m not feeling very well, I can’t make it tonight.

 

I was gutted!

 

I tried again or few more times over the next few weeks, but still nothing, we had gone from texting and talking all day in NYC, with instant return to messages, to now waiting days for a one line response. I was home for a month and never did get to see her again in London.

 

Which brings me to my conclusion

 

Girls don’t really like Duck Umbrellas. Just keep it simple and take them down to KFC.

 

Night Night

 

jtx

 

 

 

 

on off broadway – Article Magazine

Written  – 24/11/2012  – whilst on Virgin 26 to London’s Heathrow

 

For about 6 weeks or so now, it’s been my ambition to see my name up in lights on Broadway.  I know. Me! Jammy Taylor! Broadway! It’s just crazy but who knows what can happen, especially in New York City; anything is possible…

A little bit about me, My names is James (Jammy) Taylor, don’t ask why, its just stuck, apparently there are a couple of other people out there with my name sake, so I had to coin this one for my own ;)

Anyway, I’ve been writing about my observations and adventures now for a couple of years.  I’m originally from a little island in Essex, I love to travel and seem to get myself in all sorts of situation, some good, some bad and last Summer, I made the jump and moved out to New York City, to focus on my future career of becoming an Actor….

Now I wouldn’t really say I’m a theatre buff, but I’ve seen a few of the classics, Jerry Springer the Musical, Pricilla, Fame; I was even made to sit through La Traviata once at the opening night at the Sydney Opera House, for all of what felt like 10 hours of it.

I had always seen myself more of a film actor, that was until the other week, there I was doing a bit of shopping on 5th Avenue, you know; minding my own business when I get a phone call from a top Broadway Director, asking me to come in an audition for her next play.

Never one to turn down a opportunity, I was straight back to Soho, locked myself away for a few days with the script and off I went to the audition.

I was sooo nervous, there was a queue of guys outside on the stairwell waiting to go in, all serious Theatre Actors; with proper training and experience, indeed people that could speak proper comprehendible English and then there is me, standing there in my bright orange boots and woolly hat, with my strong English accent, ‘sorry what?”, about to make this biggest jump of my life so far, this was my first Theatre audition ever! In fact that’s not true, in year 4, I once did a school play, I played one of the three wise kings.  It was a big role at the time.

Anyway, where was I, so I went in and there was this panel of people all staring at me. “errmm  Hi, I’m James, I’m here to audition!”

went ok, but you never can tell, I even managed to slow down and breathe a little in between sentences; it scared the life out of me, I mean if nothing else came from it, it was good experience, but really, who was I to think I could just walk straight in and mix it with the big boys anyway. I was happy about what I did, I gave it my best shot and off I trotted home back to Soho for spot of sushi.

About an hour later, just as I was woofing down a bit of salmon nigri, the phone rings.

“Hi James, we would like you to come back in a see us again” I nearly swallowed the chop stick!

Did they call the wrong number? Had Big Dave put them up to this? Was it some kind of sick joke, but no it wasn’t.

So three days later I went back in, but this time, there was no queue outside the door, it was just me…

We had a chat and I read with the Actress some of the lines, trying my hardest to speak slowly so they could understand me. All the time thinking, “WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE!” I was then excused and asked to wait outside.

The wait outside on the hard wooden bench was excruciating, it felt like an hour but must of only been about 5 minutes, I had no nails left, my throat was dry, in fact I didn’t even have any phone battery, probably that was the worst thing. And then I was called back in….

They offered me the lead role!  I know!

Apparently the Director fancied a bit of a challenge and in I’d walked.

And that’s where the hard work really began. In fact, in truth, I didn’t know what hard work was until I undertook this. Over the next 6 weeks, we rehearsed 12 hours a day.

In person, I very rarely shout, or get angry, unless you overtake me on a track or sit in the fast lane at 50mph or don’t say Please & Thank You or push passed me on the tube when I’m waiting patiently trying to help the old lady off first before boarding, or you try and steal my girlfriend, but other than that….

But in the play, I had to do some quite heavy stuff.  They had to beat it out of me.  There were tears! Yes they made me cry.  There were many a day when I would wake up thinking what they hell am I doing. How the hell am I going to pull this off.

“Don’t just say the lines, Don’t pull your model face, Don’t speak too fast, feel the lines James; Feel them, don’t think! JUST DO!” All very confusing messages as you understand.

I mean on a film, if you mess it up, you can stop and start again, You have to learn 4, sometimes 5 lines of dialogue at a time, not an hour and a half and even then with theatre; this was a two hander, there was only me and the actress on stage and I was ON the whole time, there was no breaks, I couldn’t nip out for a can of coke and a quick glance at the script halfway through.

There was no safety net, I had to get it right or I would crash and burn. It wasn’t an easy thing to do if you had been acting all your life, let alone if you had only been acting since July.

Now just think about that for a second……  The consequences, being out there on stage, with how I speak, having to change everything, slowing everything down so I could be understood and articulate, all the blocking; being in the right place at right time on stage, and just for good measure ending up, on a sex scene, right there on stage in front everyone.

In front of my Mum!

Until last night finally the time came, there was no more rehearsals, no more prompting, no more room for error.  It was the opening night!

As I approached the Theatre, with the lights lit up above the door, Starring James Lee Taylor. Wow!

If you had told me this two months ago, I wouldn’t of believed it. Me in a big Off Broadway production, you could actually see Broadway from my dressing room window, it was that close. You could smell it.

I can’t sing to save my life and Broadway is more that way inclined, but OFF Broadway, Yes Off Broadway is were the serious acting is.  The straight acting, no signing involved! (I’m told it’s much cooler, maybe in the same way they say Brooklyn is too New York I guess)

So there we were. Plane loads of friends and family arriving into JFK, my first Agent Edward from when I was 16, my Mum, Shaun, my dancer friend, it was a star studded packed house, even the prime minister of Serbia had called the director to wish her good luck.

No pressure…

10 minute warning, 5 minute warning, 1 minute warning, BLACKOUT!

Sink or Swim Taylor!

I see now, why people love the theatre, the feeling as you finish and you realise you pulled it off, I didn’t even know how to bow properly, I was that new to the whole thing, but I knew then, this is me, this is what I was born to do, to be an Actor, and I just proved it! I nailed it!

I can’t explain the feeling to you, I even got over the fact I just had to have pretend sex, right there in front of my parents. I lead the show for an hour and half, I articulated, didn’t pull model face and I felt every line.

I had pulled it off, I was an Off Broadway star!

Well for about 3 hours, as just as I was saying thank you and receiving my 5th bouquet of flowers and champagne and nut free chocolates, the producer pulled me to one side to have a quite word in my ear.

The show had to stop, there would be no ten day run as first planned, as he had failed to ask the writer how he would feel about us doing his play and didn’t get the rights to do the show…

You could hear a pin drop.

There are no words……

jtx

www.unbound.co.uk/books/Article
www.the-article-magazine.com

 

its not me, its you…

 

Written  – 07/03/2013 – maybe its just me

 

I know its hard to believe but I have made the odd curious decision in my life, putting my foot in my cycle wheels spokes whilst going along to see if it made the same whizzing sound as if you put a piece of plastic in there, that time in Jamaica at Hedonism when I thought the couple were just being friendly! And indeed following my ex girlfriend on Instragram; why do it! What was I thinking? I don’t want to see her frolicking in the waves on some beach somewhere with some other bloke, but yet I was still compelled to look! (where’s a shark when you need one)

But alas normally I’m pretty switched on.

It’s already March, can you believe it, this year is going so fast. I’m actually writing this to you all now from up in the air on my way back to London from Lanzarote, been out here for a shoot, before heading back home to New York next week.

I’m the youngest one on the plane by about 40 years, wedged in the middle of a row of 3, there is no luxury today but I have made two lovely new friends, Janet and Mazie who have been helping me with my spelling, so you know, every cloud and all!

I’ve been out in New York city for 9 months now and loving every second of it, I’ve bought myself one of those big Canadian Goose coats which seem to be almost school uniform at my acting school and now I can laugh in the face of the snow and -10 weather we’ve been having.

I love the pace of living in New York, it’s non stop, there is always something going on and you feel like you missing out if you have a night off.  It has a real energy about and a can do attitude, I’ve completely fallen in love with the place and my American accent is coming on a  treat.

Still single though! Although I have been seeing a bit of that Hannah girl. Turns out she preferred Jake Gyllenhaal after all!

We must have been out for dinner now like 10 times; I hang on her every word, she’s funny, absolutely drop dead gorgeous, smart, her Father is a chef and it’s subsequently rubbed off on her and she’s got me feeling bad now when I don’t try things other then steak and chicken or don’t eat my vegetables.

She made me have an Oyster the other day,  I know ! I would rather eat my own arm than try one of those ever again (i turned green!) but I did it to try and win some brownie points.  Although too no avail.

I do cute things like take her little gifts, her favourite cup cake shop on a Thursday; only on a Thursday does these special pumpkin ones, not my taste, but then again she likes oysters. So I took her some of those, battling through the cold and snow to deliver them. But nope still nothing.

On a side note for all the single guys out there reading this now, get your arse down to your local cupcake shops, it’s full of hot girls, they all just seem to congregate there, of course not that I was looking as I only have eyes for Hannah. But ….

Anyway I just don’t know where I’m going wrong, it’s been a while now, 4 months to be exact, not that im counting and we still haven’t even kissed.

Normally I would give up after say, a week and write it off, but there is something different with this one, she’s as mysterious as the women from the Scottish widows adverts, no better than that; a Unicorn!

We go for dinner and she flirts with me all evening, we have great chat and then after our chocolate may contain nuts fondant (it doesn’t) as we get our coats and head for the door and then NOTHING! It’s as if it’s the first date again, it’s the same routine, we look at each other, I open the door, she gives me that smile, I feel all gentlemanly, she walks through the door, outside the restaurant we stare at each other for a bit, she reaches over kisses me on the cheek and says, “Good Night James”, “Yeah Goodnight Hannah” and she disappears leaving me standing there looking on into the darkness; it’s like bloody groundhog day!

Once I tried holding her hand when we were in the cinema, that went down like a lead balloon.

Even with all my travelling, I try and keep in touch with her, calling on my telephone from all remote corners of the earth I get sent too, sending her cute little pictures of monkeys and donkeys and me pulling funny faces but still like water off a ducks back, has no effect.

I just cant work her out, she told me today over a text message; that I need to more aloof and we’re in no rush!

More aloof?  What does that even mean…. NO RUSH, it’s been 4 months and I haven’t even kissed you!!

I’m a man, I don’t understand complex concepts like that!

If I like someone, I show them I like them…. Normally I kiss on the first date so then I know if I want to see them again.

For me being more aloof, is me not being interested and when I get to that point there is no way back… 

And just don’t know what to do… Janet and Mazie are baffled too, it wasn’t like that in there day they assure me.

Maybe it’s me, I mean I know I’m quite excitable like a bit fluffy doggy bounding up to you, after you come through the door ready for walkies, with one of those squeaky toys, but that’s only because I’m pleased to see you!

Or maybe its just you…..

Cheerio

jtx

 

 

 

 

cat nip for women

Written  – 10/12/2012 – cheque please!

It is winter in New York City.

Sitting in a café, watching the world pass by through the plastic sheeting in what was the outdoor garden with my cup of hot chocolate; trying to keep warm. Been out here now 6 months but still not a coffee drinker, oh no! And whilst I’m at it; what is this brunch thing all about. I don’t get it! It’s like lunch but just with half the good things taken off the menu?

There is a different feel about things now.  Gone are the warm long nights of laughter in the air, everyone is rapped up warm going about the business as fast as they can to shelter from the cold, all mated up with the new found summer love; walking along the street cuddling into one another, ready to lock themselves away together for Christmas and play Monopoly and watch Home Alone.

I mean it all sounds so Charles Dickens and perfect, but for me right now, it’s all a bit; Bryan Adams, “After the boys (girls) of Summer have gone!”.

Having said that, I’m loving my time out here. I’ve made some great new friends, I’ve even converted a few of them into West Ham fans; (what they don’t know any better! ) And make them come every week to watch the games at the sports bar with me.

I’m slowly starting to learn how things work out here, I’ve stopped putting kisses on my text messages, I”ve stopped saying things like, do you fancy a drink?  Or half 7 rather than 7.30  as they just don’t get it!

I’ve touched on it before, but New York women are tricky. Absolutely Beautiful, Stunning even, but tricky!  I would love to meet someone nice, pretty but also someone to have a laugh with,  someone to take ice skating in central park, to watch the Die Hard back catalogue with; you know, nice coupley things that your meant to do in winter but as yet, no such luck.

Well that was until the other day, when I was riding on the subway back to my apartment after school, you know minding my own business, dreaming about getting home and finishing off that Terry Chocolate orange I had left over from the English shop, in a little world of my own.

When all of a sudden, this beautiful girl gets on and sits down right opposite me. Quite tall about 5ft 10, long blonde hair, nice smile, cute teeth the sick out a little at the sides, big brown eyes and dressed immaculately.

The train gets on it’s way and we sort of both look up, and catch each others eye and quickly look away.  Pretending to be reading the adverts or counting down the stops till we get off but every so often both of you looking up to check if the other person was looking.

We were approaching my stop, now normally I am actually pretty shy, I would get off and it wouldn’t be until as the train doors shut and as the train slowly pulls out of the station that she turns around and you both look and smile through the window and that knowing look you give each other and your left thinking what could have been…

But today, today was different, I don’t know what came over me, I guess I was just feeling brave, so just as I was readying myself to get off, I stood leaned across and said “Hi I’m James, I don’t normally do this but I would love to buy you a drink sometime”.

She looked me up and down and there was a long pause and I was thinking hang on, what have I just done here, thinking I was just about to get blown out, when all of a sudden as the train pulled into my stop she said, sure, what’s your number.

I quickly told her it and made a jump as the train doors slammed shut, only bloody catching my bag in the door as I left; smooth Taylor, very smooth! (idiot)

As the train pulled out I saw her laughing, thinking to myself, well I’ve blown that one.

But to my surprise a couple of hours later, I get a text, Hi James, this is Hannah.

I was shocked! We got talking over text, I had to restrain myself a little as not to go too crazy and scare her off before she could get to know me properly and understand that I’m not actually nuts; just a little excitable at times, but we arranged to meet for a drink at the end of the week.

Tonight was the night, a quite Sunday evening in Soho, we arrange to meet somewhere cool at this little low key bar that we both knew, I was so nervous, but as she sat down, I started to relax.

The conversation flowed, she was quite funny she was smart, she seemed to understand my accent and even pretended to laugh at my jokes and thought I looked just like Gerald Butler; which apparently was her number one crush in 2011. Marvelous, ill take that!

Of course my mind now was racing ahead, what you doing every night this week? Lets go Ice Skating! Cinema! Ikea to buy furniture!

Things were going well, we had skipped dinner and just gone straight for this huge apple pie with ice cream for desert and just as we were tucking in, all of a sudden; she looked up at me, with this look on her face, this look of shock…

It was all going so well….

And that’s when she said it……!

6 little words that would strike the fear into any man!

 

 

“Is that Ryan Gosling over there?”

 

 

 

You have to be kidding me….

 

jtx